alone in the dark illumination steam download

“Yeah, guess I’m pretty lame, well I’ll just toddle off to the bottom of Metacritic for the rest of time then…” Not so fast, Alone in the Dark: Illumination, you’re getting a full review, for no better reason than because you tried to sneak out quietly like a fart in a job interview and I ain’t letting that fly on my watch!Īlone in the Dark is indeed a Left 4 Dead-style four player co-op shooter, so like a deep space exploration probe it’s about six or seven years behind the rest of planet Earth. I guess we’re co-op multiplayer now – they fucked up the 'dark' thing in the last Alone in the Dark by setting the whole game on fire so now they’re fucking up the 'alone' part instead! More alarm bells start to ring when you boot up a game called “ Alone in the Dark” and the first three options on the title menu are “host game”, “join server”, followed grudgingly by “single player” thrown out like a chicken bone from the feasting table. Yes, experience has taught me to watch out for a couple of obvious warning signs when it comes to games - the mysterious absence of hype, the attempt to sneak out onto the Steam listings on the week of a summer sale as if the publisher was forced to fulfill an obligation but was praying to God that no one would notice it, and the mysterious urge to club myself in the head with a frozen walrus cock as I attempt to play the fucking thing. But still, I’m surprised that a new installment of this decades-long legacy managed to slip under my radar and I’d like to know where they were hiding it, 'cause it should be put back there with extreme force! From those lofty heights the series went downhill quickly, spawning two sequels and two attempted reboots that wobbled up and down between “big poo sandwich” and “big poo sandwich with ketchup”.

This venerable series stretches all the way back to 1992 when it virtually codified the fixed camera-survival horror genre - someone even awarded it the ECTS 1993 Best Graphics Award and managed to keep a straight face. Well, violate my sense of intestinal security if it isn’t another Alone in the Dark game. This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Alone in the Dark: Illumination. Here's Whats Wrong With Alone in the Dark: Illumination

Alone in the dark illumination steam download